Research and Articles
Research & Articles: Can You Praise
Children Too Much?
Marilyn Lopes
Extension Specialist, Family Life Education
Cape Cod Cooperative Extension
University of Massachusetts
In the rush to give children a healthy dose of self-esteem, some adults go too
far to praise children. And that can backfire. It doesn't take kids long to realize
that all the praise may not be justified. Maybe you fail to gush over a painting
the way Mom and Dad have always done. Or a playmate tells them their clay bowl
is yucky. It's a rude awakening!
A child who is praised too much may fall into the great-expectations trap.
These kids feel the only way they can be accepted and loved is to keep performing
at higher levels. Too much praise can also set up a fear-of-failure scenario.
Kids are so dependent on the approval of others, they may be afraid to take
risks. Scared that they won't be able to do a task perfectly, they don't do
it at all.
This is not to say that adults should act like drill sergeants. It's fine
to tell a toddler everything he does is wonderful. And it's also fine to burst
out in spontaneous delight over something a child does. But by the time kids
are in preschool, caregivers and parents should think about when and how they
praise.
DON'T PRAISE INDISCRIMINATELY.
Children need and deserve realistic feedback about their accomplishments to
understand their strengths and weaknesses. If you gush over everything, they
will never recognize that some areas really do need improvement. Instead
of treating every painting as a masterpiece, talk about the facts: Look at
that deep-blue sky! What a lot of colors you used today! I can't wait to
hang up this painting. Think of praise as a form of feedback. The more specific
you are, the more important information you impart to the child.
FOCUS ON THE CHILD'S SPECIAL TALENT.
Every child has some area of competence, one that can serve as a source of
pride and accomplishment. Encourage that special talent and the child's pride
in his achievement will transfer to other work.
LOOK AT THE CHILD'S EFFORTS, NOT THE RESULTS.
Too often, adults reward the results and forget about the effort. Look back
two or three months on the child's progress and concentrate your praise on
how much a child has improved.
NEVER COMPARE A CHILD WITH SIBLINGS OR FRIENDS.
Many times adults compare one child to another. Encourage children to participate
and do well because they enjoy something, not because they want to beat out
someone else or prove they're smarter than someone else.
TEACH CHILDREN THAT MAKING MISTAKES IS A NATURAL PART OF THE LEARNING PROCESS.
While you will never be able to take away all the disappointment a child
will face, you can make sure he doesn't feel defeated by it. For instance,
if you see a child is upset because a project didn't come out the way he wanted,
you can encourage him to start over or change something in the project.
DOCUMENT USE/COPYRIGHT
National Network for Child Care
- NNCC. Part of CYFERNET, the
National Extension Service Children Youth and Family Educational Research
Network. Permission is granted to reproduce these materials in whole or in
part for educational purposes only (not for profit beyond the cost of reproduction)
provided that the author and Network receive acknowledgment and this notice
is included:
Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care - NNCC.
(1993). Can you praise children too much? In M. Lopes (Ed.) CareGiver News (August,
p. 1). Amherst, MA: University of Massachusetts Cooperative Extension.
Any additions or changes to these materials must be preapproved by the author.
COPYRIGHT PERMISSION ACCESS
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Univeristy of Massachusetts
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